On becoming a Republican

There come monumental times in everyone’s life when we make decisions that profoundly affect the way we live, act, and are treated by others. I have come to one such decision.

After much thought and careful examination of my life and my priorities, I have come to the difficult decision that I must join the Republican Party.

WHAT?! You might say. Especially those who know me from my involvement in politics, through Michigan Liberal or what-have-you. Let me tell you how I came to this decision.

Just under a year ago, then-Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist had the US Senate vote on a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. It failed by a significant margin. But that got me thinking about the institution of marriage. I mean, yes my parents have been happily married for more than three decades, but what if gay marriage is allowed? Then people will have to ask each other if they are married to a man or a woman. Families will crumble, and our civilization will be reduced to relics and stories in history books.

Oh, and I’m pro-life. Pro-lifers just don’t have a place in today’s Democrat Party – excuse me, “Democratic” Party. I support life. I mean, sure, I support the death penalty, this war (which HAS liberated Iraq), and policies that have led to increased poverty levels… but being pro-life (until the baby is actually born) is the only thing that matters.

So to all you Democrats out there: how about opening your eyes like I have? Only then can you realize that conservatism is the way, the only true way, to peace and happiness.

And only by opening your eyes can you see that this is just an April Fool’s joke I’m trying to pull on you.

Well, did I have you?