Some jokes I've received via email

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic Churches than casinos in Vegas.

Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday Mass will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the Churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The Churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.

Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that G~d's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.

Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"

The man says, "Yep, I sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"

The man says, "Nope, I sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, asks, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"

"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

The dessert chef was very smart. He had graduated Pie Baker Kappa.

You gotta be careful of corn at night. They can be early creepy with their husky voices and seedy appearance. Why, they even cob right out and tell you to shuck it right to your face.

Cheddar is as Gouda cheese as any American could wish for, and while we Edam all that is something one could never Provolone.

The Alpine Skiing competition started poorly and went downhill from there.

My girlfriend scares me, so every time we go to dinner it's intimi-dating.

I thought the telescope was broken, but after looking into it further, I found out it was not.blockquote>