ScottyUrb faces stiff challenge in re-election bid for Precinct Delegate

KENTWOOD, MI (Unassociated Press/Snarx News) - Scott Urbanowski, the funny and mildly attractive blogger known on the series of tubes as ScottyUrb, has filed to run for a third term as Democratic Precinct Delegate in Kentwood - beginning what is expected to be a contentious campaign for re-election for the 22-year-old activist, blogger, and soon-to-be Central Michigan University graduate.

"There has been no greater spokesperson for truthiness, justice, and the American way," said Urbanowski, who ran as Stephen T. Colbert's vice-presidential running mate.

While Urbanowski is used to facing competition - he won by one vote in the 2008 election - this time will be different. In the wake of the controversial Citizens United v. FEC decision, he expects many serious contenders in his bid for re-election.

Among them are:

HAL E. BURTON - Comes from, ahem, a well-oiled machine.

CARL ISLE - See above.

WALLY MART Known for sexist tendencies. Claims foreign-policy experience; takes credit for supporting economy of Communist China.

AL TICOR - Formerly known as Amway. Dream Job: Host of The $100,000,000,000 Pyramid Scheme.

GOLDMAN SACHS - HUGE campaign war chest.

TOY OTA - Campaign slogan: "No Slowing Down!"

DOM INOS - Campaigning on its "new taste" and "pizzazz."

J.P. MORGAN CHASE - Notably quiet on the bailout issue.

AL COA - Campaign slogan: "We Deserve A Metal."

CAT R. PILLAR - Accused of dirty deals, they say they're well-grounded.

MIKE ROSOFT - Slogan: "Voting for librulz doesn't compute!"