10/17/2007

Late-night laugh roundup

Courtesy of About.com:

"Al Gore has won an Academy award. He's won an Emmy award. And now, he's won the Nobel prize. But what he really wants is the Latin Grammy." --David Letterman
"Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work with the environment. Then, in a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush." --Amy Poehler
"I think I know why you're happy tonight... 'cause Al Gore won the Nobel prize. Al Gore won the Nobel prize. Or, as President Bush announced it, 'Sweden is with the terrorists.' No, the president did not say that. What he said was, 'The Nobel Prize is just a theory. It needs more study.'" --Bill Maher
"You can tell Al Gore is still worrying about these kind of things. They told him today, 'You received the most votes.' He said, 'Yeah, who won?'" --Bill Maher
"A lot of people are now wondering if Al Gore will run for president, which would make it a Gore vs. Hillary Democratic primary. Kind of global warming vs. global cooling." --Jay Leno
"Earlier tonight on NBC, Idaho Senator Larry Craig was on Matt Lauer. Until Matt was able to push him off." --Jay Leno
"The interview was conducted in Senator Craig's home in Idaho. Beautiful home. Four bedrooms, 29 bathrooms." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton raised $35 million in three months. That's the most money ever raised by a woman, if you don't count what Oprah's made since lunch." --David Letterman
"Yesterday, by the way, Hillary Clinton was a guest on 'The View.' ... Just when you thought that panel couldn't get any hotter." --David Letterman
"A globe of the world once owned by Adolph Hitler is going to be auctioned off. ... So, Hitler's globe if you're thinking about getting a Christmas gift for Ann Coulter." --Jay Leno
"Over the weekend, Senator Craig was inducted into the Idaho Stall of Fame. ... Did I say stall? I meant to say Hall of Fame. This guy got into the Idaho Hall of Fame. So who are the people who lost to Craig?" --Jay Leno
"Barack Obama ... is attacking some of Hillary Clinton's comments on torture. At one point, Hillary Clinton said that in some narrow cases, torture could be acceptable. Like, for example, when you're husband is sneaking in at 2:30 in the morning" --Jay Leno
"In a recent interview, President Bush's daughter, Jenna, said she believes there's a ghost in the White House. Then President Bush told her, 'No sweetheart, that's just your grandmother.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Hillary Clinton's name was mentioned 12 times the other night. 12 times! Of course, Hillary was stunned. She's not used to guys yelling out her name." --Jay Leno
(at a Republican debate)

"Former 'Law & Order' star Fred Thompson appeared in his first presidential debate last night. Political experts called him uneven, flat and dull. In other words, Thompson was the highlight of the debate." --Conan O'Brien
"According to a new survey, 52% of people have had sex with a colleague at work. 52%! You know, I can never look at Hannity and Colmes the same way again." --Jay Leno
"The Yankees made it into the play-offs ... on a wild card. By the way, that's also how we got President Bush." --David Letterman
"President Bush is now saying there's a good chance we will be bombing Iran ... because he is convinced they have nuclear weapons. Well, he would know." --David Letterman
"This is good news: President Bush says he's going to ... finally take some action on global warming, because he became very alarmed when another chunk of ice broke off his mother" --David Letterman
"Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting global warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he? ... President Bush says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global warming. As a matter of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops to the sun" --David Letterman
"This Saturday, President Bush will be on hand in Washington to celebrate the Seventh Annual National Book Festival. The president's very excited about the festival, because he's been named Cliffs Notes Man of the Year." --Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday while in Europe, presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani called for an expansion of NATO. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'I believe it's pronounced Nintendo.'" --Conan O'Brien

Wow: Paul Krugman hits it on the nose re: Gore

You. Must. Read. This.

The worst thing about Mr. Gore, from the conservative point of view, is that he keeps being right. In 1992, George H. W. Bush mocked him as the “ozone man,” but three years later the scientists who discovered the threat to the ozone layer won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. In 2002 he warned that if we invaded Iraq, “the resulting chaos could easily pose a far greater danger to the United States than we presently face from Saddam.” And so it has proved.

But Gore hatred is more than personal. When National Review decided to name its anti-environmental blog Planet Gore, it was trying to discredit the message as well as the messenger. For the truth Mr. Gore has been telling about how human activities are changing the climate isn’t just inconvenient. For conservatives, it’s deeply threatening.

...

Everything I’ve just said should be uncontroversial — but imagine the reception a Republican candidate for president would receive if he acknowledged these truths at the next debate. Today, being a good Republican means believing that taxes should always be cut, never raised. It also means believing that we should bomb and bully foreigners, not negotiate with them.

...

Which brings us to the biggest reason the right hates Mr. Gore: in his case the smear campaign has failed. He’s taken everything they could throw at him, and emerged more respected, and more credible, than ever. And it drives them crazy.

10/16/2007

Bits of Tid: October 16, 2007

Who Said That? Edition

Who said this?

{W}e've seen the corruption and the sectarian division. We understand what it's like to be stretched too thin. And we know when it's time to get out.
Answer: Twelve former Army captains and Iraq veterans, in an op-ed in the Washington Post.

Next quote:
"We’ve treated the Arab world as a collection of big gas stations," the retired general said. "Our message to them is: Guys, keep your pumps open, prices low, be nice to the Israelis and you can do whatever you want out back. Osama and 9/11 is the distilled essence that represents everything going on out back."
Answer: Gen. John Abizaid.

Who's responsible for this one?
“As a patriotic American proud to serve the nation in uniform, I respectfully urge my political leaders in Congress to support the prompt withdrawal of all American military forces and bases from Iraq. Staying in Iraq will not work and is not worth the price. It is time for U.S. troops to come home.”
Answer? 2,000+ active-duty service personnel. Phony soldiers, Rush?

And speaking of which:
Regardless of your feelings regarding the war, there's nothing phony about these brave people who wear the uniform of our country.
That would be me, nominating 'phony soldiers' for banishment for Lake Superior State University's Banished Word List. It comes out in 2 1/2 months, so get your picks in soon!

And finally, well, I don't need to ask you who said this:


BTW: Is that Joe Knollenberg, about halfway in?

10/15/2007

Al Gore videos and links

You surely know by now that Al Gore won a share of the Nobel Peace Prize (he shares it with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change). He becomes the fifth person to hold one of America's two highest offices and win the Nobel Peace Prize, the others being Teddy Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, Jimmy Carter, and Charles Dawes (Calvin Coolidge's VP).

Here's the video of the announcement from the Nobel Committee:


...and here he is at a press conference following his win:



Al himself has released three videos, one each about health care, Iraq, and protecting America. Check them out here.

For more on all of this year's Nobel Prize winners, visit the Nobel Foundation's official website.

10/12/2007

Bits of Tid: October 12, 2007

  • As I write this, I am awaiting the Nobel committee's announcement as to who will win the Nobel Peace Prize. Will it be Al? For a fascinating look into the Nobel Prizes, be sure to check out Nobelprize.org.
  • Here's a pleasant surprise: Just after the recent tax increase, Granholm has a net positive approval rating. Not by much (46-41%), but from a Republican firm, this is great!
  • Both Mark Schauer and Gary Peters took in roughly $220,000 (give or take) during the third quarter. Darn good, given they weren't in the race the entire quarter. Knollenberg was also named to the League of Conervation Voters' Dirty Dozen. Oh, and they and Thad McCotter have been targeted by Catholic groups for opposing S-CHIP?
  • Babies are eligible to get married in Arkansas, due to a fluke in the law. If you take issue with the idea of babies getting married, ask yourself: Is it really that bad compared to allowing Hollywood celebrities to marry?
  • Coming soon to Great Lakes, Great Times, Great Scott:
    • What do I think of the latest mess surrounding the Michigan presidential primary? Find out this weekend.
    • Look for a couple of photoblogging posts in the next couple of weeks: one detailing the events of Homecoming at both CMU and East Kentwood High School, one showing autumn colors in mid-Michigan.
    • I still have a few more words I'm planning on submitting to Lake Superior State's Banished Words List.
    • I also have more late-night jokes on the way, so stay tuned!

10/04/2007

State revenues: enough with the whining already!

What happened?

Last week the Legislature passed a continuation budget that extended the deadline for passing the final Fiscal Year 2008 budget by four weeks. Governor Granholm refused to sign it, stating she would not sign any such proposal without a guarantee from the Legislature that there would be new revenues. Because of this, the state government partially shut down for 4 hours and 18 minutes on Monday.

At 4:18 AM Monday morning, the Governor signed the continuation budget after two new sets of revenues were passed in both the House and the Senate; this ended the shutdown.

The new revenues

The state's income tax will go up from 3.9% to 4.35% - still lower than 2/3 of the state's income taxes. The state expects more than $750 billion in new revenues form this tax increase.

Officials also expect a similar amount to be generated by an extension of the 6% sales tax to a number of services, which are listed here.

How does Michigan's new tax rates stack up?

I'll let this article from the Detroit Free Press sum it up:

Thirty-six of the 43 states with income taxes have rates higher than Michigan's new 4.35 rate, at least as of January 2007, according to the Federation of Tax Administrators. But a fair comparison is elusive because most states, unlike Michigan, have graduated income taxes under which taxpayers see their rates increase as their incomes go up.

...

The state's 6 percent sales tax in two months will go from covering 26 service categories to covering 53, including new categories such as skiing, consulting and interior design. At that point, Michigan will rank 27th nationally in the number of taxed services, according to the Michigan Department of Treasury.

Michigan is tied with nine other states that have a 6 percent sales tax, the nation's 11th highest. California has the highest rate, at 7.25 percent, while Colorado's 2.9 rate is the lowest among states that have sales taxes.
Hey conservatives, if high taxes mean weaker economies, then why is Michigan's unemployment rate - 7.4% - the highest in the country instead of being in the middle of the pack?

What this all means for you

Will you pay more in taxes? Yes, but not much. Back to the Free Press article:
The combination of a higher income tax and sales taxes on more services will cost a family of four earning $50,000 a year about $207 - $157 in income tax and about $50 in sales tax, treasury officials estimate.

"That's $4 a week per household," Kleine said. "What that is doing is preventing very drastic cuts in higher education, school aid, Medicaid and public safety."
$4 per family per week to keep Michigan from becoming even worse off? Sounds like a good investment to me - and I'm a college student whose family has mediocre health insurance!

So enough with the whining and complaining about having to pay more. Tax cuts have not helped Michigan's economy, nor will tax hikes hurt. Please don't complain about having to pay just a little less than you used to. A few dollars a week is NOT going to hurt your bottom line.

If anything, you ought to be complaining not about taxes that aren't really that high, but about the high cost of gas (which Democrats have tried to do something about), or prescription drugs (which Democrats have also tried to do something about).

Or having to spend $4.50 for a pop at Kelly/Shorts Stadium. Which I don't think many Dems can do anything about.

10/03/2007

Obama videos - 5 years after his antiwar speech

Five years go yesterday, then-Illinois State Senator Barack Obama spoke at an anti-war rally and made a speech, the video of which has mostly been lost, except for a brief excerpt. Here is that excerpt, as well as a number of Obama supporters re-enacting it.

5th Anniversary of Barack Obama's Anti-War Speech



Even a successful war against Iraq will involve a US occupation of undetermined length at undetermined cost, with undetermined consequences.


Obama Offers a New Beginning in Iraq



"We need to ask those who voted for the war, 'How can you give the President a blank check and then act surprised when he cashes it?'"


Rep. Jan Schakowsky on Barack Obama's Courage



Obama... is the only one who really has the capacity to send a very different signal around the world... and create a new tone that creates the space for peace in the 21st century.

9/25/2007

Solidarity

A few weeks ago I noted the importance of workers in our day-to-day lives:

As much as we owe our freedom to the many men and women of the United States Armed Forces, we also owe the very fact that we have food to eat, cars to drive, roads to drive them on, homes to live in, buildings to work and study in, and beds to sleep in to the people who comprise the American workforce.

Yesterday, the UAW's GM workers went on strike demanding quality pay and benefits not only for themselves, but also for retirees.

With the conservative assault on labor accelerating under the Bush presidency, it is even more important than ever that we stand shoulder-to-shoulder with workers and labor unions whose work makes our country great.

9/22/2007

Thoughts on leadership... and my pick for the White House

Many Democrats picked their favorite Presidential candidate many a moon ago; others did so more recently. Many are undecided, with a few planning to withhold support until after our nominee is decided. Due to many factors - the state of our nation and its politics, the wide-openness of this election (with 18 major-party candidates), and the enormous burden that comes with the office - I have approached this decision carefully.

It is the duty of each citizen of our country to not only vote, but to give serious consideration as to who is best fit for each office before they vote. After all, to vote for someone is to place in them a certain amount of trust. Is there any greater political trust than supporting someone's goal to take the reins of the White House?

Not everyone is ready to lead even a small group or club. Far fewer are capable of bearing the immense burden that comes with leading this nation of 300,000,000+ people. The circumstances that will face America's next President make it all the more critical that none but a very capable leader take on this role. This person must have the leadership skills needed to help return dignity to the Oval Office, raise the bar for our politics, and restore in each of us a sense of pride as to what it truly means to be an American.

So, I mentioned the word 'leadership.' 'Leadership' is a word that is tossed around so loosely nowadays that I think many have forgotten its true meaning. Here's what that word means to me.

A good leader has certain qualities. They must be courageous and honest, saying and doing not what people want said or done, but what needs to be said and done. Leaders must have unquestionable integrity and good character. They must understand that they are a role model - that people emulate what their leaders do. They must hold themselves and others accountable, and demonstrate sound judgment. They must learn from the past, understand the present, and have a clear vision for the future - yet at the same time be open to new ideas. Above all, however, they must be worthy of the trust people place in them by choosing them to fulfill a leadership role.

Unfortunately, few political leaders nowadays have shown that they possess these characteristics. Yet these characteristics are critical when it comes to leading this nation. Consider this: The President of this great country is called upon to make numerous important decisions the effects of which will last for generations: when our Armed Forces should be deployed, who should serve on the Supreme Court, what to make of each day's intelligence briefings, how to go about pushing a piece of legislation, what the upcoming fiscal year's budget will look like, when and where to go on diplomatic trips, what nonpolitical causes to support, etc.

To me, when it comes to having the characteristics, vision, and judgment we ought to expect in the leader of this great country we call America, one person stands out above the rest. Drumroll please...

That candidate is Barack Obama.

It is clear to me that, more than anyone else running for President, Obama is the type of leader these times demand.

Policies

On so many issues, Obama offers new angles to solving problems that I have not heard from many other campaigns. For example, his Iraq plan goes beyond the standard "bring-our-troops-home" answer. On his website, Obama discusses how our 'covenant with seniors' extends beyond protecting Social Security and fixing healthcare. His plan to fight poverty is very detailed and shows the importance of improving jobs, education, and healthcare when it comes to ending poverty.

Though he was only a state senator at the time, Obama opposed the war from the beginning - something Edwards, Clinton, Biden, and Dodd can't say. His opposition to the war from the start hows sound judgment on Obama's part.

I could go on about his many plans for this nation, but one thing is clear to me: Obama's vision is the most detailed, the most comprehensive, and the clearest of any of the candidates'.

Experience

Regarding experience, let me make two points. First, political experience is not the only qualification. Each President is influenced more by his/her nonpolitical experiences than their political ones. JFK, Ford, and others brought their World War II experience to the White House. Carter and many others were influenced by their work on the farm. If elected, Obama will bring to the Oval Office his experience as a community organizer, professor, and attorney in Chicago, as well as lessons learned in both the Illinois Senate and in Washington.

Second, years in elective office do not necessarily make someone more qualified for the job. If it did matter, then why don't we consider George H.W. Bush to have been a darn good President, with Eisenhower and Lincoln each thought of as epitomes of lousiness? More on that here.

Electability

The key question on many Democrats' minds is, who is the most electable come next November? With quite a few more Americans calling themselves Democrats than Republicans, one would expect that our party has a distinct advantage when it comes to winning the Presidency next fall. While I agree that we do have the advantage, let's remember that Michigan was favored to defeat Appalachian State - and weirder things happen in politics than in sports.

Countless people I have met have said they are impressed with Obama. The Central Michigan University chapter of Students for Barack Obama is headed by someone who I didn't even think cared much about politics. This just shows that Obama's inspirational message of hope for change does have appeal that transcends not only partisan lines, but extends to people who, for whatever reason, don't care much about politics. This will be crucial come next November 4.

The question must then be asked: Can a black person like Obama become President? We cannot deny the continued existence of racist and sexist attitudes in Ameica. There will surely be those who won't vote for Obama simply because he's black, or for Hillary because she is a woman. However, let me ask you: How many people do you think will vote Republican if a black person heads our ticket, but would consider voting for any other Democrat (i.e. Edwards)? Probably very few.

Final thoughts
Each of the Democratic Presidential candidates has displayed qualities we should expect in our President. Edwards is a fierce champion of ordinary Americans and has an excellent vision for where this country should go. Richardson is a seasoned diplomat. Biden is an expert when it comes to foreign policy. Dodd has impeccable character. Few in Congress are as courageous as Kucinich. Hillary has long championed civil rights.

Yet, to me, only Senator Obama has shown all of these characteristics. More than anyone else, Obama has proven that he is the one who most deserves our trust - and that, his 'inexperience' aside, he is the one most capable of bearing the burden of the Presidency and restoring common sense to the highest office in the land.

So I ask you, why settle for less than the best? Sure, you may or may not agree with Obama on every policy issue; and sure, you may have doubts as to whether he has enough 'experience' (however you define that word). But during times like these, the United States of America needs nothing but the best leadership we can have, and no one has demonstrated these important leadership capabilities as has Barack Obama.

For these reasons, I am proud to declare my support for Senator Barack Obama's campaign to become the 44th President of the United States.