Love for dogs key in Precinct Delegate race

Precinct Delegate's bowling average, pastor's remarks called into question by opponents

KENTWOOD, MI (Don't-Want-To-Be-Associated-With-McCain Press) - Democratic Precinct Delegate Scott Urbanowski (D-Smartypants) told reporters that his experience - and love for man's best friend - will be key to saving Kentwood's Third Precinct from Complete and Utter Annihilation.

The Delegate made those remarks Friday after filing to run for a second term as Precinct Delegate. He had announced his intention to run for re-election last year.

"Just recently I endured quite a heavy round of sniper fire," the Central Michigan University student said in a press conference, adding, "Okay so that wasn't sniper fire, just Finals Week. But still, it felt painful."

Urbanowski touted his willingness to go above and beyond the call of duty for his couple hundred or so Democratic constituents.

"I'm willing to ask the tough questions," Urbanowski said. "Like, 'Who's a good dog?'"

"That's one of my favorite questions because those individuals to whom I ask that question are usually speechless. Typical Washington politicians: Speechless when asked the tough questions."

The Delegate also touted his leadership abilities.

"When I tell my dogs to sit, they sit. When I tell them it's time for them to go for a walk, we're out the door within 45 seconds."

"Sometimes it can be ruff spending time with two dogs with very different personalities. But you know what? I can handle it."

Urbanowski also said that he stays up well past 3 AM, so residents would have nothing to worry about when it comes to their Delegate answering the emergency phone.

"Heck, I'm usually up until at least 4!"

Urbanowski was sharply criticized, however, for comments his pastor made on Sunday.

"Scott Urbanowski's pastor suggested that Jesus may still be with us, even after all these years," said precinct delegate challenger Seymour Butts in a press conference. "I know I can't see him around here anywhere."

"The kid doesn't walk his dogs every day," said challenger Ima Nidiot. "I've seen Swifty and Lucy, maybe, twice in the last two weeks. So when he says he walks his dogs everyday, he's lying!"

"I walk my dogs every day I'm home and the weather's nice enough for it," Urbanowski responded. "Oftentimes I'm at school ninety miles away. When I'm home, it occasionally rains."

Nidiot also pointed out that Urbanowski's bowling average is even less than Barack Obama's.

"Well, Ms. Nidiot and I obviously don't see eye to eye," said Urbanowski. "But we're at least focusing on issues of grave concern to the Third Precinct."

In December, former President Franklin D. Roosevelt endorsed Urbanowski for a seecond term, citing the 20-year-old's "track record of fighting for the values our Party holds dear - or at least should hold dear."


Just a reminder: Tomorrow (Tuesday) at 4PM is the deadline to file to run for Precinct Delegate. I became a Precinct Delegate in 2006 at the urging of my friend Rob.

Here's the form you'll need. Print it out, fill it out, sign it, have it notarized, and file it with your county clerk.

For more on being a Precinct Delegate and why Precinct Delegates are important, see this post on Michigan Liberal.

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